Triview: Harry Potter

Don’t pretend you haven’t noticed its flaws…

Harry Potter is... No, you're right. I don't need to explain it. You'd have to have been living as a child slave in the basement of some corporate giant to not know about the global sensation of The Potter. So good, that saves me a job.

Assuming that if you were an illiterate you would not now be reading somebody's blog, I could also assume that you have at least considered reading the Harry Potter books - if you really like the franchise, you will not have been adequately satisfied with the experience of watching the whole series of films whilst sitting in a darkened box filled with the sound and smell of teenagers with popcorn. That in mind, you will have noticed that the books and films differ a fair bet, for reasons of fluency among other things. As painfully familiar as it is to read a teenage boy's innermost thoughts, such things do not transfer to screen very well.

If you're a purist, get out now. This is not going to be me listing every slight deviation from the original text and fretting because I need everything to be exactly the same and totally consistent always or I will curl up in a foetal position and tremble uncontrollably. There is a bigger issue afoot here... A much bigger issue.

The issue I'm talking about is something that leaves me ambivalent, because on the one hand I found it horrendously annoying and insulting as a child. On the other hand, children are stupid. As soon as I grew up and chilled out a bit I realised that the Harry Potter films are nothing short of hilarious. Why? Because they are ridiculous.

I mean, good God in heaven above. I have never seen a franchise of movies stuffed to the seams with such giant blundering errors. I am not talking about plot holes here, or even bad acting. Under any normal circumstances, many of the scenes in the Harry Potter films would just be considered bad writing and questionable directing. It's given some leeway because of its imagination and story but here's the thing; if you are going to base your film on some of the most widely read books in the world and you intend to rewrite most of the script, you had better be damn sure your jokes and heart-felt scenes are top notch.

Rather than keep speaking generally, I am not going to go ahead and list all of my favourite ridiculous Harry Potter moments:

1)                      Daniel Radcliff’s crying scene from The Prisoner of Azkaban. Yeah, a lot of you will have noticed that the boy looked about as emotional as your bedside cabinet. But, whose fault was that? Not Radcliff’s. He was just a teenager and child actors do not necessarily grow up to be particularly fantastic adult actors. To be fair he came into his own as he grew older – all that exposure to top thespians was bound to have some positive effect on him and he probably learned to just relax and enjoy himself on the set. Full power to him.

It was the director that should have realized that the crying scene wasn’t going to work. At some point, you would have thought that he might have looked down at the dry faced child giving unconvincing sobs and said “Alright, let’s do this scene again.” Or, if that really was the best take they could manage despite their best efforts, they could have just cut it out. It wasn’t really necessary and there are tons of ways you can show emotion without crying. Even if they were instant on the crying thing, there’s a whole host of things they could have done (passing over the idea I had, which was making him chop onions for a bit – there might be ethical issue involved); they could have just put a droplet of water on his face or they could have just not have him look directly at the camera when he was so obviously not upset. What gets me is how somebody could have looked at that take and said, “Yep, we’ve got it, everyone. Time to move on!” It’s almost inconceivable and one of many jarring blunders.

2)                      ‘“I’m not an owl, Harry!” snapped Hermione, flustered and irritated.’ That, approximately, is what that line would have read as had it been written in prose. See how the writer notes that Hermione wouldn’t have said it if she hadn’t been flustered. The Goblet of Fire (the fourth film) has this line; when Ron and Harry fall out, Hermione is forced to play the go-between and she hates it. She then blurts out this off-the-wall statement and the moment I heard it, it became one of my favourite quotes to use out of context for the fact that, to be quite frank, it just sounds plain silly. Hermione looks like she’s lost her damn marbles and the humour comes from how this bizarre declaration comes from out of the blue, rather than from appreciating that Hermione is flustered because she is annoyed (as I assume is the implication).

3)                      “That’s my girlfriend, you numpty!” yelled Ron, as he ran after Crabbe and Goyle in the very last film - The Deathly Hallows part two. Now, fair enough that the filmmakers wanted to direct some humour into what was, in places, a rather dark film. I don’t agree, however, that this was the best place for it. You see, if someone had just tried to kill the love of my life, as Goyle tried to kill Ron’s, I don’t think the word that would spring to my mind you be “numpty”. If any word came to my mind at all, I rather think it would be that one that means vagina and rhymes with shunt but is considered to be a lot ruder than either, for reasons unknown. Yes, I think that might sum up my feelings quite nicely. Or, I might merely jump on him like a crazed rhinoceros and attempt to tear his face off with my teeth. Either way.

4)                      Voldemort elbows Bellatrix Lestrange in the face. Truly, he does. It’s the last film again – after he attempts to kill Harry, he gets knocked down and Lestrange tries to help him up, whereupon he cries that he does not need her assistance and thrashes his arms. She falls to the floor and there’s a mad scramble. Call me crazy, but I was always under the impression that Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange (perfectly chosen as Helena Bonham Carter – no complaints there) were supposed to be something of a force to be reckoned with; a strong, terrifying, dangerously insane pair of psychopathic killing machines whom you would never mock – you’d never dare. Seeing them sprawling on the floor like that may have broken the illusion ever so slightly.

5)                      Snape cries over Lily’s dead body, holding her and mourning his decision to join Lord Voldemort. It was his fault that the love of his life was now lying dead in his arms and at that moment, he realised that he would do anything to repair the situation, including look into the eyes of the most powerful dark wizard and lie, risking his life every second of the day.

A moment of much poignancy, I’m sure you’ll agree; marred only by the presence of a small child in a cot in the background bawling his head off. Watch out for this if you didn’t notice – the baby is being a typical baby and wearing one of the funniest expressions you’ve ever seen. The question, again, is why keep him in the shot? There was no reason. The fact that baby Harry was there was a small detail that could have been passed over with ease. Again, I wonder what happened; did someone genuinely look back over the footage and think that it was acceptable? All the seriousness has gone from the moment and it’s a comic scene, not a tragic one. Fatal error!

6)                      “Avada Kedavra!” When it’s written down, it’s OK. It’s not the most slick of incantations, but it serves the purpose of relating back to mythology; J.K. Rowling did a lot of research and enjoyed the use of lots of references to bring H.P. alive. What looks good on paper and what sounds fine in your mind as you read to yourself may not, however, sound good on film.

Avada Kedavra is just a clumsy incantation. As we’ve established, accomplished wizards can do any spell without speaking. If I were one such wizard and I wanted to kill someone, you can bet your arse this is one incantation I would prefer to say in my head – that and ‘Petrificus Totalus!’, as by the time you’ve finished saying it you’ll be chained upside down the ceiling and your target will have left the room.

In any case, Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort tried his best to put on Voldemorts ‘high cold voice’ (J.K. doesn’t make film adaptation an easy business, does she?) and tried also to use it while yelling ‘Avada Kedavra’. Therein lies the mistake; high and cold imply soft and steady with a hint of menace – and as such, it is mutually exclusive with yelling. Ralph Fiennes yelling in a high cold voice sounded more like someone with a very sore throat yelling for water. It just didn’t work.

For the most part, Harry Potter is well-done. The action is good, the story is compelling and the characters believable – and don’t misunderstand me, there are some gob-smackingly excellent moments, both visually and in storytelling. But when dealing with such a popular and well-known franchise, caution should be exercised to make sure any little errors should be ironed out. The best films and film directors pay close attention to little detail because they realise that it breaks the illusion. The last thing you ever want is to make the audience aware of the fact that the world on the screen and the world outside of it are separate places; the first time you watch a film, particularly a fantasy film, you need to be transported to that place. The character’s tension should be more tension and the story needs to surprise you and engage you. It won’t do that if every five minutes you hit upon something you can’t swallow. During that last Harry Potter film, there was more than one instance where both me and my brother had to laugh out loud; adults we might be, but even we expect to be able to immerse ourselves in fiction and embrace the experience.

Harry Potter films aren’t better than the books, but they are ingenious in their own way. I really hope that ten years from now, they are rightly known for their quirks and fails as much as they are for their successes. 

Incidentally, I've got a much better ending...